A Christmas Story?????

It’s 2 in the morning on December 24 – Oh shit, it’s Christmas Eve!

In spite of feeling better about myself and my crazy little life I have been dreading Christmas. I have spent the past 5 Christmas seasons away from family but at least I was with the man I loved. Being with him eased the pain of being so far away from the crazy, potty mouthed, intense, passionate and loving people I am proud to call my family.

This year is different…..Although I am lucky to have the Blue Haired Boy with me I have been waging a war with my emotions.

I am trying very hard to find the “meaning” of Christmas this year – and I don’t mean the religious meaning! Years of Catholic school have firmly rooted that into my brain. For my family, Christmas began the day after Thanksgiving when my father would drag out the numerous boxes of decorations, all properly labeled (dining room mantle, living room shadowbox, living room window left, living room window right, etc) along with photos of how it looked the previous Christmas. He would then spend DAYS carefully and methodically placing garland, lights, figurines and a plethora of ornaments all through the inside and outside of the house.

Those "bricks" on the wall were pieces of cardboard my father had us color...

In my younger years I don’t think I fully appreciated the time and effort he put into it. When I was older I once asked him why he did all of this. My siblings and I were all grown and out of the house and it drove my mother crazy to have to trip over boxes until the last decoration was hung. Why go through so much trouble? Why not get a small tree and just relax? His answer: “First of all, I love Christmas and the decorating is not a chore. Second, and most important, I love the joy it puts on my family’s faces. It’s that simple.”  

That was my father’s philosophy on most things….bringing joy to those he loved. He even would try to bring joy to those he didn’t know. I can recall many holidays when one sibling or another would bring a guest. Sometimes these guests were a boyfriend or girlfriend that had not yet been introduced to our family and sometimes it was just a friend who had nowhere to go. My father always greeted these people with the same warmth and gusto and he did his family. He offered plenty of food, wine and conversation to make them feel as though they were part of the family. Most of these guests would start out a bit overwhelmed. My large family does everything with great intensity!

We are loud, opinionated and a bit foul mouthed. We laugh, we argue, we stop speaking to one another and then we make up – all in the course of one dinner. To an outsider it can be a bit strange but when they see the genuine joy, they start to feel right at home.

Just another day.....

This year, my intent is to bring joy to the Blue Haired Boy and to myself. Even though we have decided not to celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense (there is no tree, no lights, no decorations, no gifts) we will still make it special. We renamed Christmas “just another day”. I will make ribs, potato salad with bacon, and cold green beans with shallot vinaigrette. We will pack a cooler with the food, a couple of beers and a bottle of wine and then spend the day at the beach. We will soak up some badly needed sun, drink a toast to “just another day” and then eat until we can’t move.

This will bring us both true joy and that will be what “just another day” means to us.

It's all good!

I got off track with a couple of the previous posts and then got distracted during my birthday “week”. So much has been going on that I don’t know where to start and it would take days of writing to explain. Since time is precious (and we all have a bit of a short attention span) I will present to you some bullet points of my adventures.

New Coffee Date

·         I chatted back and forth with a guy I will call the “wine guy”

·         He was very intelligent, witty, quick and a little sarcastic

·         Met him for a walk on the beach at sunset - I know, it sounds a bit cliché to most but the west coast of Florida is beautiful and the sunsets can leave you breathless

·         He brought wine and we enjoyed it as we strolled

·         Sat on a lifeguard tower for a couple of hours talking and laughing

·         He helped me stay warm

·         Agreed to a second date

Update – The Trucker

·         Saw the trucker a second time

·         Laughed my ass off!! He is hysterical! He also has a very sensitive side

·         Tried to help him study and failed

·         Realized that if I had to take the GED test, I would never get a diploma

·         Made me admire him more

·         Also realized that he and I are A LOT alike

·         Got freaked out, REALLY freaked out and cancelled plans with him on his birthday (yes, I was a jerk!) - not ready to get that involved yet

·         He called, I ignored (again, I was a real jerk). I sent him a text trying to explain (I am a jerk AND a coward!)

Update – The Harley Man

·         I adore him and will continue to see him for as long as he will allow

·         He is one of the truest people I have met in a long time

·         Will say no more about him, keeping it to myself (sorry!)

The Wine Guy – Second Date

·         I went to the wrong place to meet him (idiot!) so I was late

·         Drove out of town to a club on the beach

·         Grabbed a couple of beers and walked the beach while we waited for a table

·         He talked about his family and friends – very obvious he is more than devoted to them

·         Great meal – He works with food and encouraged me to try different tastes at the same time

·         Danced to “Tupelo Honey”, couple dancing next to us got engaged at the end of the song

·         Left the beautiful club and went to a true dive bar…the beer was cold and the band was hot

·         Actually danced (my apologies to all the patrons of the bar)

·          That dancing cost me a third date

·         To understand why please see my blogging sister’s latest post http://www.eatthruthepain.com/2011/12/december-is-for-dancing-apparently.html….There is a very defective gene in our family!

It’s All Good!

I have recently become great friends with a friend of the Harley Man (from here forward he will be known as FOHM). FOHM has a great outlook on life in spite of all the crap he has gone through. He has recently retired to Florida and has fallen in love with it. He makes the most of this beautiful location by frequenting the beach, working on his tan, walking the bridge and living every day to its fullest. He loves his beer and mac-n-cheese and has been known on occasion to share a big plate of french fries with yours truly. His favorite saying?? “It’s all good”.

You know what? It IS all good! With everything that has transpired in my life over the past year, things are finally good. I went from pure bliss to devastation and never thought I would feel joy again. With the help of the Blue Haired Boy, my incredible family up North (who seem to have a knack for knowing when to apply lots of smothering love) and some great friends I am finally finding that joy.

Through coffee dating and opening myself up to people I would not have looked twice at before, I have met good people and made some amazing friends. I have done things I never imagined myself doing -  like riding on a Harley, eating and liking seafood, dancing, living on my own and wearing leggings with boots and a short skirt! I am actually getting comfortable in my own skin. I still have moments when I grieve for my previous life but that’s okay because the joy is finally overtaking that grief.

I am coming into my own at the age of 45 and you know what? It really is all good!!

Extra! Extra!

After my last post which got a little serious, I decided to have a little fun! Below are actual "headlines" from the dating site I belong to along with the first thing(s) that popped into my head when I read them. I left all spelling and puncuation alone...these are exactly what you would see if you were me. For those of you who don't know what a headline is, it is simply a short phrase describing either yourself or what you are looking for in a potential date.....The headline is the first bit of info you learn about the person after seeing a photo. These were just too good not to share....

Looking for a very sexy woman  (Who isn’t?)

Looking for love in all the wrong places!!!  (Get a map!)

Come on!!!! I won't bite!!!  (If you need to point that out, I’m scared)

looking for "one in a million" (Don’t narrow your options so much)

Looking for someone to have fun with  (As opposed to…?)

i live hard,play hard and love hard  (Love hard?? Um, that’s just weird)

looking for a nice friendly and easy goi  (What is a goi? Are they all easy?)

Empty Heart-NEED Refill  (This one had a pic of himself by an 18 wheeler…)

I Plant in the pot...not around it!!!!  (Huh???)

*********************************  (Again, huh???)

I don't have a car...I have a Truck  (A truck, with a capital “T”)

looking for A good woman  (With a capital “A”)

love life good kisser  (I picture a caveman saying this…”me love, me life, me good, me kisser”)

looking for 1 in 7 billion  (Try looking for one in a million….better options)

Like having fun?  (No, I like having misery)

" MUST LOVE.................MONKEY'S? LOL"  (Isn’t that illegal? Not to mention disgusting!)

Looking for a nice girl ... likes animals  (Maybe you should check out the guy who wants you to love monkeys)

cute old guy  (Really? That’s all you can come up with?)

You Never No  (Actually, I do sometimes “No”, at least I do when I’m not “Yes”)

Corduroy Pillows Creating Headlines!!! Film at 11  (10 points for trying to be witty, minus 10 points for failing)

White Chocolate Lover  (You know, white chocolate is not really chocolate…It’s just lots of sugar and milk)

LQQKing to the Starz  (I have no idea what this means…)

Without Sparks, There can Be No Fire!  (Finally, a smart man!)

looking for it all lovefriendshipplaymat  (I think he is a foreigner, I don’t recognize that word)

Lokking for the last one !  (Lokking and popping??)

Quantum weirdness and spiritual energy  (Um…..ookaayy…….)

Looking for a friend to  (To what??? Please tell me! I could be your friend if I only knew what you wanted!)

To be fair, here is my headline:

Testing the waters...  (Oooo, I bet it took her hours to come up with that)

Back to my fishing!

~Annie

Not really a coffee date.....

As you know, for a first meeting, I will only do coffee. I had been messaging back and forth with a guy I will call "the trucker". The trucker had just moved back to Florida after spending years on the road. I sent him my number and asked him to text me.

In the meantime I was on a coffee date with "the corvette", I call him this because he manages to work into every conversation the fact that he has a corvette. Here are a few snippets of conversation:
Me: How long have you lived here?
Him: I hopped in my corvette 3 years ago, drove here and never left.
Me: What is your favorite food?
Him: Well, I like to jump in my corvette and go to the fish shack on the beach.
Me: I just read "The Road" for the fourth time...Have you read anything good lately?
Him: I always have a couple of books in the corvette in case I get bored.

You get the picture....Very nice guy but a little too obsessed with the corvette. We finish our coffee, he slides into his corvette and drives away.

Later that evening I get a text from the trucker and he asks to meet. I am feeling a little frustrated in my fishing (Harley man being the exception) and the trucker seems decent so I agree to meet him that night! I know, meeting a guy for the first time, at night, in a bar is not the smartest thing but my ego really needed a boost. We meet at a local place (not my watering hole), find a table and grab a beer. The trucker is tall and handsome in that "rugged" way. He spent the last few years on the road and now wants to settle into a more normal life. He is very intelligent, relaxed and laughs easily. I am a bit surprised when he says that he never graduated high school but I am also awed that he has decided at this stage in his life to go back to school and start a new career. If I had to crack a book open for anything other than the pleasure of a good story I don't think I would succeed. The trucker is very determined to succeed and begin the next phase of his life. I admire this - I completely understand the anxiety that comes from the unknown and the fact that he is facing it head on is inspiring.

We finish our beer and decide to go somewhere different. It turns out that the trucker is also a biker - what are the odds?? So we hop on his bike and off we go. We find another place, have a quick bite, a little more conversation and then decide to take a quick walk on the beach. The breeze is warm and balmy - a perfect Southwest Florida evening. Because I am feeling relaxed, happy and am a bit intrigued by the trucker, I decide to "make a move".....It was a good move! A few nice kisses later we leave the beach and head out. We make plans to get together again and go our separate ways.

Will I see him again? I don't know....I have made a promise to myself that I would not go out with someone a second time unless I felt some kind of "connection". I don't want to waste my time and I certainly don't want to waste the time of other people. I did feel a connection but I'm not sure I want to pursue it. I have felt very safe with my single coffee dates - no pressure, no chance of long term, no chance of getting hurt or hurting someone. With the exception of the Harley Man - who I don't consider a coffee date since I met him the old fashioned way and, by the way, have been seeing quite a bit of -  I have limited myself to one date.

Do I put myself on the line? Have I already done that? Where do I go from here??

~Annie

Next post.....Has the fisher become the fished? The hunter become the hunted?

A little off topic....

Thanksgiving came and went with very few tears. The first big holiday as a single girl was not as bad as I thought it would be. The Blue Haired boy and I enjoyed a feast prepared by yours truly. As is the custom in my family, I cooked enough food for 10 people even though there were only two. After we toasted to our new beginning and then toasted to being not just mother and son but to actually being friends, we ate and ate and drank more wine, and ate! We then toasted to food and wine and our own awesomeness. An all-around great day. The Blue Haired Boy promptly fell into a food coma while I tidied up. By the time the last dish was put away I was ready to get out of the house.

Blue Haired Boy and I hopped into my sporty and fuel efficient Focus and headed for the watering hole. We stopped, had a beer and then wandered on over to the cigar/sports bar. It was very quiet so we were able to grab a table on the sidewalk to people watch and talk. Blue Haired Boy was feeling a little down because some bitch broke his heart. I, being the caring mother that I am, offered to give the girl a smack down! This made him smile and when he smiles, I smile. We commenced with the people watching and noticed a guy with a camera from the local news. He was doing a "man in the street" report and was asking people what they are thankful for. Blue Haired Boy proceeded to say the following: "I am thankful for beer, my mom and shorts in November". Although I thought that I should have at the top of his thankful list, at least I came before the shorts.

A couple of evenings later Blue Haired Boy went to a club for a concert. Since I knew there would be drinking involved I suggested that he either call me or take a cab home. Later that evening I heard him come in. When I went to talk to him I noticed his face....It was a mess!! I asked what happened and he told me he was jumped by four guys. They surrounded him and attacked. He said that he did manage to get in a punch or two but knew he was overwhelmed. Had it not been for a brave passerby, he probably would have beaten into unconsciousness. I was stunned. I was terrified. I was angry!!

Some assholes hurt my boy! How dare they lay their hands on him! My son is one of the smartest, funniest and kindest people I know and to know that he was hurt physically and emotionally was almost too much to handle. I cleaned him off as best I could given the hyper agitated state he was in, made him something to eat (it's an Italian thing) and sent him to bed.

Between checking on him every 20 minutes and dealing with the sickness in my heart, I slept very little. He may be 23 years old but he is still my baby. He has always had the ability to make me scream with laughter, swell with pride and bring me to tears with his amazing clarity on life. When he was little, I was able to fix everything with a hug, a kiss and a bandage. That will not work this time.

A fightin' stance

Ever since my son unexpectedly found himself in Southwest Florida he has overcome so many obstacles. He had to start his life over after a particularly cruel "dumping" by a former girlfriend. He found himself in a place where he had no friends, no job and little hope. Somehow he picked himself up and found a fantastic job. Through that job he has made great friends. He taught himself to play bass. He made his hair crazy colors, got a tattoo and some crazy piercings and became not the person he was before he moved here but a smarter, happier version of his former self. He radiated confidence in a way I had never seen before and it brought me such great joy to see the calmness in his face.

Happy at last!

Workin' hard

I don't why, but I feel like a taco!

The next Clapton??

I know his wounds will heal and the physical pain will go away. I only hope that with the love of his mom and his great group of friends he will be able to be the happy person he worked so hard to be.

Blue Haired Boy, I love you with all of my being. You are my son, my friend and my inspiration. You held me up when I could barely stand and let me know that everything WILL be okay again - and you were right. I will do the same for you.....

Love,

Mom