Why?

A lot of people have asked me why...Why am I using a web site to date? Why am I not looking for a long term relationship? Why am I sharing such personal and at times humiliating information in such a public way? There are many answers to all of those questions so I will try as best I can to to explain.

Why on line dating?
I chose the on line dating simply because I was failing at meeting men in others ways. Going to bars to meet men is terrible. The majority of men at a bar are looking for one thing. This would be great if I was "that" kind of girl but it can also be a huge blow to the ego when you see other woman getting hit on by great looking men and the only one that will talk to you is the guy that is so drunk he passes out mid sentence.

At a friends suggestion I tried the grocery store. Apparently a lot of single men shop for their meals early in the evening and as we all know food is the great common denominator. "Working" the grocery store is a bit like playing "CSI", you are looking for clues in their shopping basket.

"Good" clues:
Fresh basil, fresh fruit and vegetables, organic chicken, low fat milk, one or two healthy frozen meals, a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil, whole bean coffee, fresh bread. These types of items mean they appreciate good food and enjoy preparing it.

"Bad" clues:
Fruit roll ups, frozen pizzas in bulk, a gallon of chocolate milk, two or three bags of Doritos, industrial size jar of garlic salt, canned spaghetti. These types of food mean they are probably still living their "frat boy" days.

After you analyze the clues you then have to make an approach and that approach has to be non-threatening. I prefer to start with something benign like "PLEASE go out on a date with me!".....Okay, not really, I usually will ask for their opinion on a fresh ingredient or how they like to prepare broccoli rabe. I will say that the grocery store did yield a date. We had a nice dinner but when he started talking about wanting lots of children I realized that although I knew his taste in food, there was little else I knew about him.

It was also suggested that I try going to a "home improvement" store. There are lots of men buying supplies so they can go do manly things. Who doesn't want to meet a man that is good with their hands! I went on a Saturday morning, around 9:00 and left by 9:10. Sure, there were tons of men! Sweaty men who had no interest in anything except drill bits and plywood.

On line dating offers me the ability to filter down to the type of person I wouldn't mind spending some time with. Sure, a LOT of people are not 100% honest in their profile, I expect that. Would any of us want to list under "interests" that we like sitting on the couch in our underwear, watching reality TV while eating peanut butter straight out of the jar (no spoon)? We try to make our interests seem, well, interesting. My approach to reading through profiles is simple - I look for profiles that seem to be written by someone with a basic understanding of the English language. If their profile is in all caps, has too many emoticons, if they do not have proper use of "your" and "you're", if they have an aversion to punctuation and spelling out short words ("i like rock music n wud luv 2 take you 2 where your going to want 2 dance") I move to the next one.

I also filter by profile pictures. This may sound shallow but it is not what you think. The picture people choose to represent themselves say a lot about them. A photo with a genuine smile will make me want to look further into a person's profile. Photos that will make me move on to the next profile are:

A picture of you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror, you surrounded by strippers (yes, I am serious), a posed photo of you with your hand on your hip, a photo of you with someone who has had their face blurred out (it may be an ex but please, try cropping), a photo of you balancing empty beer bottles on your expansive belly, a group photo where you don't give me a clue as to which one is you.

Once you sort through all of this a few candidates will rise to the top. From there it's just a matter of sending messages and waiting for responses. Once you get a response you can then chat on line and then decide if you have enough in common to meet in person.

Why not a long term relationship?
It's not that I don't want a long term relationship someday, I just do not want it now. The last 20 years of my life were spent being part of a couple. Everything was about "we" and "us". I never realized how much of myself I lost by being so enmeshed with another person. It took a while but I am finally starting to figure out who I am and am truly enjoying my independence.

Why are you sharing all of this?
To put it simply, how can I not share? For those of you that know me, you know I love to talk and you know I love to laugh. You also know that I may be one the most socially awkward people in existence. I have no coordination, an unfortunate trait that seems to afflict a good part of my family. I have been told by many that I have "no filter" - I tend to blurt things out without thinking, perhaps I have a mild form of Tourette's. I tend to laugh too loud which can frighten small children and at times, my co workers. Although I am not overweight, I am far from rail-thin - I love to cook and I love to eat. I love an ice cold beer while watching football. I have a good sense of humor. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

In spite of (or maybe because of) all of those wonderful traits, I do believe that one day I will be ready to settle down and there will be a very strong man to take me on. The dates I have been on and the things that are happening have been fodder for a lot of conversations. I had people tell me that I should write it all down. I am not a writer by any definition of the word but I figured "why not"! I can do this!

So I did......

~Annie

Next post.....The trucker, the corvette guy.....and round 2 with "harley man"