A Christmas Story?????

It’s 2 in the morning on December 24 – Oh shit, it’s Christmas Eve!

In spite of feeling better about myself and my crazy little life I have been dreading Christmas. I have spent the past 5 Christmas seasons away from family but at least I was with the man I loved. Being with him eased the pain of being so far away from the crazy, potty mouthed, intense, passionate and loving people I am proud to call my family.

This year is different…..Although I am lucky to have the Blue Haired Boy with me I have been waging a war with my emotions.

I am trying very hard to find the “meaning” of Christmas this year – and I don’t mean the religious meaning! Years of Catholic school have firmly rooted that into my brain. For my family, Christmas began the day after Thanksgiving when my father would drag out the numerous boxes of decorations, all properly labeled (dining room mantle, living room shadowbox, living room window left, living room window right, etc) along with photos of how it looked the previous Christmas. He would then spend DAYS carefully and methodically placing garland, lights, figurines and a plethora of ornaments all through the inside and outside of the house.

Those "bricks" on the wall were pieces of cardboard my father had us color...

In my younger years I don’t think I fully appreciated the time and effort he put into it. When I was older I once asked him why he did all of this. My siblings and I were all grown and out of the house and it drove my mother crazy to have to trip over boxes until the last decoration was hung. Why go through so much trouble? Why not get a small tree and just relax? His answer: “First of all, I love Christmas and the decorating is not a chore. Second, and most important, I love the joy it puts on my family’s faces. It’s that simple.”  

That was my father’s philosophy on most things….bringing joy to those he loved. He even would try to bring joy to those he didn’t know. I can recall many holidays when one sibling or another would bring a guest. Sometimes these guests were a boyfriend or girlfriend that had not yet been introduced to our family and sometimes it was just a friend who had nowhere to go. My father always greeted these people with the same warmth and gusto and he did his family. He offered plenty of food, wine and conversation to make them feel as though they were part of the family. Most of these guests would start out a bit overwhelmed. My large family does everything with great intensity!

We are loud, opinionated and a bit foul mouthed. We laugh, we argue, we stop speaking to one another and then we make up – all in the course of one dinner. To an outsider it can be a bit strange but when they see the genuine joy, they start to feel right at home.

Just another day.....

This year, my intent is to bring joy to the Blue Haired Boy and to myself. Even though we have decided not to celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense (there is no tree, no lights, no decorations, no gifts) we will still make it special. We renamed Christmas “just another day”. I will make ribs, potato salad with bacon, and cold green beans with shallot vinaigrette. We will pack a cooler with the food, a couple of beers and a bottle of wine and then spend the day at the beach. We will soak up some badly needed sun, drink a toast to “just another day” and then eat until we can’t move.

This will bring us both true joy and that will be what “just another day” means to us.

It's all good!

I got off track with a couple of the previous posts and then got distracted during my birthday “week”. So much has been going on that I don’t know where to start and it would take days of writing to explain. Since time is precious (and we all have a bit of a short attention span) I will present to you some bullet points of my adventures.

New Coffee Date

·         I chatted back and forth with a guy I will call the “wine guy”

·         He was very intelligent, witty, quick and a little sarcastic

·         Met him for a walk on the beach at sunset - I know, it sounds a bit cliché to most but the west coast of Florida is beautiful and the sunsets can leave you breathless

·         He brought wine and we enjoyed it as we strolled

·         Sat on a lifeguard tower for a couple of hours talking and laughing

·         He helped me stay warm

·         Agreed to a second date

Update – The Trucker

·         Saw the trucker a second time

·         Laughed my ass off!! He is hysterical! He also has a very sensitive side

·         Tried to help him study and failed

·         Realized that if I had to take the GED test, I would never get a diploma

·         Made me admire him more

·         Also realized that he and I are A LOT alike

·         Got freaked out, REALLY freaked out and cancelled plans with him on his birthday (yes, I was a jerk!) - not ready to get that involved yet

·         He called, I ignored (again, I was a real jerk). I sent him a text trying to explain (I am a jerk AND a coward!)

Update – The Harley Man

·         I adore him and will continue to see him for as long as he will allow

·         He is one of the truest people I have met in a long time

·         Will say no more about him, keeping it to myself (sorry!)

The Wine Guy – Second Date

·         I went to the wrong place to meet him (idiot!) so I was late

·         Drove out of town to a club on the beach

·         Grabbed a couple of beers and walked the beach while we waited for a table

·         He talked about his family and friends – very obvious he is more than devoted to them

·         Great meal – He works with food and encouraged me to try different tastes at the same time

·         Danced to “Tupelo Honey”, couple dancing next to us got engaged at the end of the song

·         Left the beautiful club and went to a true dive bar…the beer was cold and the band was hot

·         Actually danced (my apologies to all the patrons of the bar)

·          That dancing cost me a third date

·         To understand why please see my blogging sister’s latest post http://www.eatthruthepain.com/2011/12/december-is-for-dancing-apparently.html….There is a very defective gene in our family!

It’s All Good!

I have recently become great friends with a friend of the Harley Man (from here forward he will be known as FOHM). FOHM has a great outlook on life in spite of all the crap he has gone through. He has recently retired to Florida and has fallen in love with it. He makes the most of this beautiful location by frequenting the beach, working on his tan, walking the bridge and living every day to its fullest. He loves his beer and mac-n-cheese and has been known on occasion to share a big plate of french fries with yours truly. His favorite saying?? “It’s all good”.

You know what? It IS all good! With everything that has transpired in my life over the past year, things are finally good. I went from pure bliss to devastation and never thought I would feel joy again. With the help of the Blue Haired Boy, my incredible family up North (who seem to have a knack for knowing when to apply lots of smothering love) and some great friends I am finally finding that joy.

Through coffee dating and opening myself up to people I would not have looked twice at before, I have met good people and made some amazing friends. I have done things I never imagined myself doing -  like riding on a Harley, eating and liking seafood, dancing, living on my own and wearing leggings with boots and a short skirt! I am actually getting comfortable in my own skin. I still have moments when I grieve for my previous life but that’s okay because the joy is finally overtaking that grief.

I am coming into my own at the age of 45 and you know what? It really is all good!!

Extra! Extra!

After my last post which got a little serious, I decided to have a little fun! Below are actual "headlines" from the dating site I belong to along with the first thing(s) that popped into my head when I read them. I left all spelling and puncuation alone...these are exactly what you would see if you were me. For those of you who don't know what a headline is, it is simply a short phrase describing either yourself or what you are looking for in a potential date.....The headline is the first bit of info you learn about the person after seeing a photo. These were just too good not to share....

Looking for a very sexy woman  (Who isn’t?)

Looking for love in all the wrong places!!!  (Get a map!)

Come on!!!! I won't bite!!!  (If you need to point that out, I’m scared)

looking for "one in a million" (Don’t narrow your options so much)

Looking for someone to have fun with  (As opposed to…?)

i live hard,play hard and love hard  (Love hard?? Um, that’s just weird)

looking for a nice friendly and easy goi  (What is a goi? Are they all easy?)

Empty Heart-NEED Refill  (This one had a pic of himself by an 18 wheeler…)

I Plant in the pot...not around it!!!!  (Huh???)

*********************************  (Again, huh???)

I don't have a car...I have a Truck  (A truck, with a capital “T”)

looking for A good woman  (With a capital “A”)

love life good kisser  (I picture a caveman saying this…”me love, me life, me good, me kisser”)

looking for 1 in 7 billion  (Try looking for one in a million….better options)

Like having fun?  (No, I like having misery)

" MUST LOVE.................MONKEY'S? LOL"  (Isn’t that illegal? Not to mention disgusting!)

Looking for a nice girl ... likes animals  (Maybe you should check out the guy who wants you to love monkeys)

cute old guy  (Really? That’s all you can come up with?)

You Never No  (Actually, I do sometimes “No”, at least I do when I’m not “Yes”)

Corduroy Pillows Creating Headlines!!! Film at 11  (10 points for trying to be witty, minus 10 points for failing)

White Chocolate Lover  (You know, white chocolate is not really chocolate…It’s just lots of sugar and milk)

LQQKing to the Starz  (I have no idea what this means…)

Without Sparks, There can Be No Fire!  (Finally, a smart man!)

looking for it all lovefriendshipplaymat  (I think he is a foreigner, I don’t recognize that word)

Lokking for the last one !  (Lokking and popping??)

Quantum weirdness and spiritual energy  (Um…..ookaayy…….)

Looking for a friend to  (To what??? Please tell me! I could be your friend if I only knew what you wanted!)

To be fair, here is my headline:

Testing the waters...  (Oooo, I bet it took her hours to come up with that)

Back to my fishing!

~Annie

Not really a coffee date.....

As you know, for a first meeting, I will only do coffee. I had been messaging back and forth with a guy I will call "the trucker". The trucker had just moved back to Florida after spending years on the road. I sent him my number and asked him to text me.

In the meantime I was on a coffee date with "the corvette", I call him this because he manages to work into every conversation the fact that he has a corvette. Here are a few snippets of conversation:
Me: How long have you lived here?
Him: I hopped in my corvette 3 years ago, drove here and never left.
Me: What is your favorite food?
Him: Well, I like to jump in my corvette and go to the fish shack on the beach.
Me: I just read "The Road" for the fourth time...Have you read anything good lately?
Him: I always have a couple of books in the corvette in case I get bored.

You get the picture....Very nice guy but a little too obsessed with the corvette. We finish our coffee, he slides into his corvette and drives away.

Later that evening I get a text from the trucker and he asks to meet. I am feeling a little frustrated in my fishing (Harley man being the exception) and the trucker seems decent so I agree to meet him that night! I know, meeting a guy for the first time, at night, in a bar is not the smartest thing but my ego really needed a boost. We meet at a local place (not my watering hole), find a table and grab a beer. The trucker is tall and handsome in that "rugged" way. He spent the last few years on the road and now wants to settle into a more normal life. He is very intelligent, relaxed and laughs easily. I am a bit surprised when he says that he never graduated high school but I am also awed that he has decided at this stage in his life to go back to school and start a new career. If I had to crack a book open for anything other than the pleasure of a good story I don't think I would succeed. The trucker is very determined to succeed and begin the next phase of his life. I admire this - I completely understand the anxiety that comes from the unknown and the fact that he is facing it head on is inspiring.

We finish our beer and decide to go somewhere different. It turns out that the trucker is also a biker - what are the odds?? So we hop on his bike and off we go. We find another place, have a quick bite, a little more conversation and then decide to take a quick walk on the beach. The breeze is warm and balmy - a perfect Southwest Florida evening. Because I am feeling relaxed, happy and am a bit intrigued by the trucker, I decide to "make a move".....It was a good move! A few nice kisses later we leave the beach and head out. We make plans to get together again and go our separate ways.

Will I see him again? I don't know....I have made a promise to myself that I would not go out with someone a second time unless I felt some kind of "connection". I don't want to waste my time and I certainly don't want to waste the time of other people. I did feel a connection but I'm not sure I want to pursue it. I have felt very safe with my single coffee dates - no pressure, no chance of long term, no chance of getting hurt or hurting someone. With the exception of the Harley Man - who I don't consider a coffee date since I met him the old fashioned way and, by the way, have been seeing quite a bit of -  I have limited myself to one date.

Do I put myself on the line? Have I already done that? Where do I go from here??

~Annie

Next post.....Has the fisher become the fished? The hunter become the hunted?

A little off topic....

Thanksgiving came and went with very few tears. The first big holiday as a single girl was not as bad as I thought it would be. The Blue Haired boy and I enjoyed a feast prepared by yours truly. As is the custom in my family, I cooked enough food for 10 people even though there were only two. After we toasted to our new beginning and then toasted to being not just mother and son but to actually being friends, we ate and ate and drank more wine, and ate! We then toasted to food and wine and our own awesomeness. An all-around great day. The Blue Haired Boy promptly fell into a food coma while I tidied up. By the time the last dish was put away I was ready to get out of the house.

Blue Haired Boy and I hopped into my sporty and fuel efficient Focus and headed for the watering hole. We stopped, had a beer and then wandered on over to the cigar/sports bar. It was very quiet so we were able to grab a table on the sidewalk to people watch and talk. Blue Haired Boy was feeling a little down because some bitch broke his heart. I, being the caring mother that I am, offered to give the girl a smack down! This made him smile and when he smiles, I smile. We commenced with the people watching and noticed a guy with a camera from the local news. He was doing a "man in the street" report and was asking people what they are thankful for. Blue Haired Boy proceeded to say the following: "I am thankful for beer, my mom and shorts in November". Although I thought that I should have at the top of his thankful list, at least I came before the shorts.

A couple of evenings later Blue Haired Boy went to a club for a concert. Since I knew there would be drinking involved I suggested that he either call me or take a cab home. Later that evening I heard him come in. When I went to talk to him I noticed his face....It was a mess!! I asked what happened and he told me he was jumped by four guys. They surrounded him and attacked. He said that he did manage to get in a punch or two but knew he was overwhelmed. Had it not been for a brave passerby, he probably would have beaten into unconsciousness. I was stunned. I was terrified. I was angry!!

Some assholes hurt my boy! How dare they lay their hands on him! My son is one of the smartest, funniest and kindest people I know and to know that he was hurt physically and emotionally was almost too much to handle. I cleaned him off as best I could given the hyper agitated state he was in, made him something to eat (it's an Italian thing) and sent him to bed.

Between checking on him every 20 minutes and dealing with the sickness in my heart, I slept very little. He may be 23 years old but he is still my baby. He has always had the ability to make me scream with laughter, swell with pride and bring me to tears with his amazing clarity on life. When he was little, I was able to fix everything with a hug, a kiss and a bandage. That will not work this time.

A fightin' stance

Ever since my son unexpectedly found himself in Southwest Florida he has overcome so many obstacles. He had to start his life over after a particularly cruel "dumping" by a former girlfriend. He found himself in a place where he had no friends, no job and little hope. Somehow he picked himself up and found a fantastic job. Through that job he has made great friends. He taught himself to play bass. He made his hair crazy colors, got a tattoo and some crazy piercings and became not the person he was before he moved here but a smarter, happier version of his former self. He radiated confidence in a way I had never seen before and it brought me such great joy to see the calmness in his face.

Happy at last!

Workin' hard

I don't why, but I feel like a taco!

The next Clapton??

I know his wounds will heal and the physical pain will go away. I only hope that with the love of his mom and his great group of friends he will be able to be the happy person he worked so hard to be.

Blue Haired Boy, I love you with all of my being. You are my son, my friend and my inspiration. You held me up when I could barely stand and let me know that everything WILL be okay again - and you were right. I will do the same for you.....

Love,

Mom

Why?

A lot of people have asked me why...Why am I using a web site to date? Why am I not looking for a long term relationship? Why am I sharing such personal and at times humiliating information in such a public way? There are many answers to all of those questions so I will try as best I can to to explain.

Why on line dating?
I chose the on line dating simply because I was failing at meeting men in others ways. Going to bars to meet men is terrible. The majority of men at a bar are looking for one thing. This would be great if I was "that" kind of girl but it can also be a huge blow to the ego when you see other woman getting hit on by great looking men and the only one that will talk to you is the guy that is so drunk he passes out mid sentence.

At a friends suggestion I tried the grocery store. Apparently a lot of single men shop for their meals early in the evening and as we all know food is the great common denominator. "Working" the grocery store is a bit like playing "CSI", you are looking for clues in their shopping basket.

"Good" clues:
Fresh basil, fresh fruit and vegetables, organic chicken, low fat milk, one or two healthy frozen meals, a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil, whole bean coffee, fresh bread. These types of items mean they appreciate good food and enjoy preparing it.

"Bad" clues:
Fruit roll ups, frozen pizzas in bulk, a gallon of chocolate milk, two or three bags of Doritos, industrial size jar of garlic salt, canned spaghetti. These types of food mean they are probably still living their "frat boy" days.

After you analyze the clues you then have to make an approach and that approach has to be non-threatening. I prefer to start with something benign like "PLEASE go out on a date with me!".....Okay, not really, I usually will ask for their opinion on a fresh ingredient or how they like to prepare broccoli rabe. I will say that the grocery store did yield a date. We had a nice dinner but when he started talking about wanting lots of children I realized that although I knew his taste in food, there was little else I knew about him.

It was also suggested that I try going to a "home improvement" store. There are lots of men buying supplies so they can go do manly things. Who doesn't want to meet a man that is good with their hands! I went on a Saturday morning, around 9:00 and left by 9:10. Sure, there were tons of men! Sweaty men who had no interest in anything except drill bits and plywood.

On line dating offers me the ability to filter down to the type of person I wouldn't mind spending some time with. Sure, a LOT of people are not 100% honest in their profile, I expect that. Would any of us want to list under "interests" that we like sitting on the couch in our underwear, watching reality TV while eating peanut butter straight out of the jar (no spoon)? We try to make our interests seem, well, interesting. My approach to reading through profiles is simple - I look for profiles that seem to be written by someone with a basic understanding of the English language. If their profile is in all caps, has too many emoticons, if they do not have proper use of "your" and "you're", if they have an aversion to punctuation and spelling out short words ("i like rock music n wud luv 2 take you 2 where your going to want 2 dance") I move to the next one.

I also filter by profile pictures. This may sound shallow but it is not what you think. The picture people choose to represent themselves say a lot about them. A photo with a genuine smile will make me want to look further into a person's profile. Photos that will make me move on to the next profile are:

A picture of you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror, you surrounded by strippers (yes, I am serious), a posed photo of you with your hand on your hip, a photo of you with someone who has had their face blurred out (it may be an ex but please, try cropping), a photo of you balancing empty beer bottles on your expansive belly, a group photo where you don't give me a clue as to which one is you.

Once you sort through all of this a few candidates will rise to the top. From there it's just a matter of sending messages and waiting for responses. Once you get a response you can then chat on line and then decide if you have enough in common to meet in person.

Why not a long term relationship?
It's not that I don't want a long term relationship someday, I just do not want it now. The last 20 years of my life were spent being part of a couple. Everything was about "we" and "us". I never realized how much of myself I lost by being so enmeshed with another person. It took a while but I am finally starting to figure out who I am and am truly enjoying my independence.

Why are you sharing all of this?
To put it simply, how can I not share? For those of you that know me, you know I love to talk and you know I love to laugh. You also know that I may be one the most socially awkward people in existence. I have no coordination, an unfortunate trait that seems to afflict a good part of my family. I have been told by many that I have "no filter" - I tend to blurt things out without thinking, perhaps I have a mild form of Tourette's. I tend to laugh too loud which can frighten small children and at times, my co workers. Although I am not overweight, I am far from rail-thin - I love to cook and I love to eat. I love an ice cold beer while watching football. I have a good sense of humor. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

In spite of (or maybe because of) all of those wonderful traits, I do believe that one day I will be ready to settle down and there will be a very strong man to take me on. The dates I have been on and the things that are happening have been fodder for a lot of conversations. I had people tell me that I should write it all down. I am not a writer by any definition of the word but I figured "why not"! I can do this!

So I did......

~Annie

Next post.....The trucker, the corvette guy.....and round 2 with "harley man"

The ride....

.....I meet up with the "harley man" and we hop on his bike. This is only my second time on a bike (the first time being the night before) but I am not at all nervous. He asks where I would like to go and for the first time in my life I relinquish control....It is all up to him! With no schedule or particular destination in mind, I wrap my arms around him and we ride. Southwest Florida is an amazingly beautiful place and there is so much that I have not seen even though I have been here for 5 years. The view from where I sit takes my breath away as we drive through canopies of old-growth palm, pine and oak trees. Between the trunks of these massive trees you can catch glimpses of the Gulf of Mexico as well as a homes ranging from quaint little beach cottages to enormous sea side mansions. I am in awe...Riding on the back of a bike is a very intense experience!

We decide to pull into a tiki bar/restaurant on one of the beaches for something cold to drink. While he grabs us a seat, I head to the ladies room to brush the knots out of my hair. When I see myself in the mirror, I can't help but smile.....my face is flushed, my hair is wild and I have a strange look on my face. What is this look? I finally realize that I simply look happy.....something I haven't seen on my face in a while! Whether it was from the stimulating ride or the gentleman I am spending some time with, I don't know. It doesn't matter....It just feels good!

I head out to the tiki bar where harley man has found us a couple of seats and ordered us a couple of beers. We talk, laugh and enjoy the warm sun reflecting off the ocean. We grab a bite to eat and get back on the bike...time to find a place to watch some football!

I could go into great detail about the rest of the day but I would prefer to keep that to myself. I will say that when I got home later that evening the smile on my face was still there.....

Next post.....Why am I blogging??

~Annie

A biker and a gentleman

"When we last left Annie she was being caressed by a man in a leather vest....Let's see what happened"

Soooo, harley man starts chattin' me up!! He looks..well, he looks like a biker and he has one of the thickest Boston accents I have heard in a while. This is the type of man that I would normally smile at and then pick up my phone and pretend to be engaged in some serious conversation with my serious (imaginary) boyfriend. But for some reason I am immediately intrigued with this man. Was it those kind eyes I referred to in my last post? Was it his easy confidence? Was it the way he politely introduced himself and repeated my name twice when I told it to him? Yes, it was all of those things but I was most intrigued by his quiet intelligence. His laid back manner and complete lack of pretentiousness was pleasantly surprising. We fell quickly into an easy conversation about the beauty of Florida and the current disastrous state of politics which then segued into in a very deep and serious analysis about the mechanics and engineering of.........vibrators!

How we got onto that subject I'm not quite sure but the strange thing was that I did not feel the least bit embarrassed by the fact that I had just shared with some strange "harley man" my critique of a certain personal pleasure device. We shared a drink and he asked for my number - I actually said no. I told him that as much as I enjoyed talking to him I didn't know him well enough but if I saw him at the watering hole again I would gladly share another conversation with him. He thanked me, stood to leave and leaned close to my ear and said he would come back and look for me.

The next day (Saturday) I had another "coffee date". Let's call him "Dude". Dude was v-e-r-y mellow.

I don't have much to say about Dude simply because it was almost impossible to carry on a conversation with someone who could barely keep his eyes open. I "jokingly" asked him if he needed a nap, he yawned (twice) and said "yeah". I bought him a cup of herbal tea and walked out feeling like the most boring person in the world.

Where do I go when I am feeling down?? I go to the watering hole! I just wanted a cold beer and some spicy pulled pork sliders before I went home to spend my Saturday night with a crappy Lifetime movie.

The beer was extra cold and the sliders were perfection - Lots of spicy, drippy sauce!! As I am not so seductively licking the remnants of pulled pork from my fingers I feel a hand on my back and hear a think Boston accent saying "I know those wings". I try to grab a napkin to wipe the drippy sauce that I am sure is on my face (sooo very sexy) and knock over a glass of water. I am a walking advertisement for gracelessness and how NOT to be sexy! Luckily harley man is too much a gentleman to point and laugh....he simply smiles sweetly and asks if I enjoyed my dinner.

Once again, the conversation flows freely. Since it is a Saturday night there is the steady stream of regulars coming in and we both take little "breaks" from our talk to greet our friends. This turns out to be a good thing. I am one of those people who feel that you can sometimes learn a lot about someone by listening to them converse with other people. As I watched him chatting with friends I noticed how warmly they greeted him and how he seemed to hang on their every word. Even though we were interrupted quite a bit he always remembered where our conversation left off. Time was flying by and the next thing I knew it was time for me to pick up the blue haired boy from work. I said I had to go.....He asked for my number......I asked him to walk me to my car.....He offered to give me a ride on his Harley to my car......I told him my car was only about 100 feet away.....he said we could take the long way....So I gave him my number, hopped on the back and felt the rush of wind through my hair as we drove around the block to get to my car. I highly recommend this mode of transportation!!

He "helps" me off the bike and leans close....Now, you need to understand that I have not been properly kissed is a very long time. Let's just say that I was properly kissed in the most improper way - I think I actually swooned! He leaves me with a promise to call and the temptation of a long ride the following day.

I will be honest, I did not expect him to call and it really didn't matter if he did. After the conversation and sweet kiss I was feeling pretty good about myself. It finally hit me that although I may not be the youngest, prettiest or thinnest woman, I am starting to like myself again and starting to get back the confidence I had lost. It was a big moment for me and I knew that I had finally turned a corner. I still have a long way to go but I am less afraid of the journey I am taking.

I sleep better that night then I have in months. I wake up, make a cup of tea and take it out to the little deck off my back door. I close my eyes, turn my face to the warm sun and feel tears in my eyes. For once they are not tears of sadness....they are tears of relief that I am finally (although slowly) moving forward, tears of acceptance of the second chance I am getting (even though I didn’t want it) and tears of happiness that I was kissed so well!! I laugh out loud at myself and sit down to enjoy my cup of tea and the beauty of the day.

I hear my phone beep with a text.....it's the harley man. Do I want to go for a ride?

HELL YES!

Next post...."Knees to the breeze and wind in your hair" (thank you to Denise for this phrase)

~Annie

Changing the lures...dates #2 & #3

After my "draft beer only" date with Bud I was a little disheartened but not discouraged. I decided to be more selective. Here is my modified criteria

• I increased my desired age range to 45 to 55
• They must be financially stable (not rich, just stable)
• They don't have to be REALLY cute (although it helps)
• They should act their age (or at least act like an adult)

With that done, I cast my line again. "Meet me" requests started flooding my inbox!! Ok, I got 8 requests. Here is a rundown:

#1 - 21 yrs old. His message: "hay babe id loved 2 meet u" I didn't even bother checking his profile
#2 - 47 yrs old. His message: "You have a beautiful smile" This man is brilliant!
#3 - 72 yrs old. His message: "I will take care of you if you take care of me (wink)" Ewww!!
#4 - 45yrs old. His message: "You have pretty eyes" Another smart man!
#5 through #8 messaged things that I will not print here. I should be completely disgusted but I was just a teensy bit flattered (I know, but it's been a long time since I have received compliments)

I check out the profiles of 2 and 4 and they seem normal enough so I send the same message to both. It says" I'd like to chat with you and if we can carry on a conversation on-line then we should carry that conversation to a coffee shop to chat in person"

I am soooo clever!!

Both respond and we chat. #2 seems funny and smart. He is a nurse but is taking a sabbatical (yes, he used that word). He likes really bad horror movies and really good books. He takes me up on the coffee date. #4 is a little shy but once he gets over his nerves he is very sweet. He tells me of his volunteer work at a shelter and agrees to coffee.

Coffee date with #2 starts off well. He looks like his photo and holds the doors for me. We order coffee and he pays then we find a table and start talking. The conversation flows freely and easily until I ask if he has children. He starts to tear up! His young child had recently passed away and he was, needless to say, an emotional wreck. I decided to end the date by telling him that he needed to take some time to recover and that right now was not the time to look for a relationship. He thanked me and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and told me he appreciated my honesty and that he was taking his profile down for a while and was just going to focus on himself.

Coffee date with #4 was, in a word, AWFUL! First of all he looked much older than his photo and the age of 45 he claimed to be - MUCH older. Then after a minute or two of pleasantries he launches into a tirade about "Jew bankers" and "faggots" ruining our country. I paid for my own coffee and got it to go.

Discouraged and a little freaked out by #4 I decide to head for my favorite watering hole to have something other than coffee to drink and to see some familiar, friendly faces. Immediately upon stepping into the place I can feel myself relax and before I can even sit down the wonderful bartender has already poured my drink and set it on the bar...I love this place! I immediately become engaged in conversation with a couple of the regulars and we swap dating stories. As the place gets busier people start standing behind those of us seated at the bar. This happens all the time and you kind of get used to being bumped and brushed against by customers reaching for drinks or attempting to get the bartender's attention. I didn't flinch when I felt a hand on my upper back and I didn't even flinch when someone whispered in my ear "I love your wings". I have two wings tattooed near my shoulders and often get comments on them. I turned to thank the man who gave the compliment and found myself looking into the kindest eyes I have ever seen......and he was wearing a leather motorcycle vest. Should I cast my net wider?

Next post....the Harley man.

~Annie

Casting the line....

So I set up the profile and was very clear that I am NOT looking for a long term relationship. I then chose a fairly cute and recent photo for my profile pic.

Do I look Cute? Fun? Old?

The blue haired boy is my son. I wanted to make sure that the hundreds of men viewing my profile knew that my child was an adult and that if needed, he could kick their ass!

Within minutes I had about 10 "meet me" requests. I was so excited!! Then I open the first request and this is staring at me...Yikes!

I won't bore you (right now) with the tweaking I had to do to my profile so I would get potential matches more suited to me but eventually I started getting "meet me" requests that interested me.

I weeded through and came across a guy I'll call "Bud". Bud was my age, owned his own business, just wanted to date and had a really cute profile pic! I sent him an instant message and he replied. We chatted for about 20 minutes that evening and for about 20 minutes the next evening. He was funny and a little sarcastic (2 qualities I require!!) and did I mention he was cute?

He asked for my number so we could talk....I thought long and hard about giving out my number to someone I didn't know and after about 12 seconds I sent it to him (did I mention that he was REALLY cute??)

He called and had a nice voice, he was also able to hold a conversation. Our witty banter kept us on the phone for close to an hour, not too bad! He asked me out for a drink and once again I agonized over meeting someone I barely knew....this time I thought about it for 16 second before saying "yes". (He was REALLY, REALLY cute!). Place and time were set. Saturday at 7:30. This only left me 3 days to get ready!!

I spent those 3 days trying to put together the perfect look. I want to look sexy but not slutty. I wanted to look stylish but not trendy. I wanted to look interested but not desperate. I narrowed it down to a cute, open weave, off the shoulder sweater (black) with a strappy tank underneath (also black), my previously mentioned jeans and black boots. I threw on some funky but not too funky silver jewelry and presented myself to my personal stylist, the blue haired boy. After a suggestion to swap the black boots for the brown (too "matchy" according to blue haired boy) I slapped on some lipstick (a sheer and shiny plum color), got some words of encouragement from blue haired boy and headed to the location.

I arrive, walk in the door and to my surprise Bud has shown up and looks exactly like his picture (did I mention he was REALLY cute)! We greet each other (awkward half hug) and sit at the bar. The bartender comes over to take my drink order and before I can get out the words "miller lite" Bud says "I only have 10 bucks until payday so would you mind ordering a draft?"

Ooookaaay.....I am a little taken back but decide to let it go. Maybe it's a joke?? He is funny and did I mention that he was REALLY cute? So the beer comes and we start talking. I ask if he was joking about the "10 dollars until payday" comment. After all, he does own his own business. It's no joke...according to him some "rich jerk" didn't pay him for the job he had done and it left him a little short. A little??? I decide to play it cool, I don't want him to think that all I care about is money.

So I change the subject. The conversation goes something like this"

Me: So where is your family from?
Him: Ohio
Me: Nice! Go Buckeyes!
Him: Huh?
Me: Ohio Buckeyes?
Him: Oh
Me: So, what do you do in your free time?
Him: Smoke weed
Me: ...........
Him: I used to drink alot but I got 3 DUI's in the past year so I mostly smoke now.
Me: ..................
Him: .............
Me: Sooo......
Him: This is fun!
Me: Um yeah but I have to meet the blue haired boy in about 15 minutes so I've got to go.
Him: Ok, at least I'll have some money left over for a smoke ha, ha.
Me: I am going to the ladies room and then I'm leaving.
Him: Ok, we should do this again!. I'll call you!

I walk (very fast) to the ladies room, send the blue haired boy a text and then wait about 10 minutes. I finally emerge from the ladies room and thankfully Bud is gone. I start to leave the bar when the bartender calls me over and asks if I like tequila. I say "yes, but why?" He says he is buying me a shot to make up for the most uncomfortable 10 minutes in not only my life but his as well. He poured a Patron for each of us and we drank a toast to "fishing and throwing them back".

~Annie

Next post, a pleasant surprise....

How did I get here (or WTFJH)??

What can happen in 20 years? You can meet a guy and he becomes your best friend. You can watch that guy jump in and out of meaningless relationships while he watches you do the same. You can realize that you and this guy are a perfect fit and he realizes it too...You can move in together, get married, be deliriously happy and have the kind of marriage that people envy. You can find your soul mate.

What can happen in 20 seconds? That guy can make it all disappear. All it takes is one sentence..."I am in love with someone else".

What The Fuck Just Happened??
After lots of crying, screaming, wallowing in booze and self pity I was finally able to pull myself up and put myself out there. But....I just want to date. This means I am not actively looking for a long term thing, I am not trying to find my "soul mate" (did that once and it is WAY overrated), I JUST WANT TO DATE!

So, first decided to try it the old fashioned way - getting picked up in a bar! I put on my sexiest jeans (you know, the pair that magically raises your cheeks up to the height they sat at 15 years ago), a tasteful but low cut top that showed just the right amount of cleavage (I have been told by many brilliant men that I have a "great rack"), some moisturizer to smooth out those lines around my eyes that seem to have appeared overnight then I "sexified" my hair. When I looked in the mirror I thought "Baby, you are HOT", then I realized I really was hot....I was having a hot flash!

After the sweat dried I headed out to my favorite watering hole, found the perfect spot at the bar so my beauty could be see by all and ordered a Goose and tonic, hold the tonic.

Sure enough I was approached by a very attractive man...blue eyes, black hair, great body and nice smile...woo hoo! He sat next to me and saw my cigarettes (yes, I am a smoker) and said "I can't believe I found another smoker, you know we are a dying breed!" Bad joke but an attempt at humor nonetheless.

We talked and smoked for a while, exchanged names and he bought me a drink....pretty good so far. So I asked his age and he said he was 50....I coyly said "Oh good, I only date older men". He chuckled and said "Good, I only date younger woman". He asked my age so I seductively flipped my hair and told him "40ish". His response was "...........oh, you are a lot older than I thought. I don't date woman that old." My response "oh, that's good cuz I don't date shallow a--holes"!

He leaves quickly, I stay and order another Goose. I meet 2 more men that night and have pretty much the same experience with them. Disgusted, I go to leave and run into a male friend I will call "the dog whisperer". I tell him about my poor attempt at meeting men my age and that I have no idea what I am doing. The dog whisperer tells me to try on line dating. He does it all the time and has met some great people. He also tells me that here in Southwest Florida, men in my age group do not want to date women in my age group. They are looking for 25 year old trophies to display and brag to their friends about. The dog whisperer should know, he is a man in my age group!

I get home, pour myself a large glass of water and start researching the many sites out there. I decide on one of the free site because I do not want to pay money only to find that the online men are just as bad and the men I met that night. I register, fill out a "questionnaire" and create a profile....

Let the fishing begin!
~Annie
Next post....my first date.